"My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man." - President John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1961 Inaugural Address)

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today!" - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step” - Lao Tzu

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
- George Burns

"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress."
- John Adams

"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates." - Jay Leno

"If on a winter's night a traveler, outside the town of Malbrock, leaning from the steep slope without fear of wind or vertigo, looks down in the gathering shadows in a network of lines that enlace, in a network of lines that intersect, on the carpet of leaves illuminated by the moon around an empty grave - What story down there awaits it's end? - he asks, anxious to hear the story"
- Italo Calvino

"Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance."
- William Shakespeare

"Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, 'In this world, Elwood, you must be' - she always called me Elwood - 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me."

"Perhaps I'm old and tired, but the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is say hang the sense of it and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day." - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Don't panic!" - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"We can talk about normality till the cows come home.
What is normal?
What's home?
What are cows?
A proper cup of tea would restore my normality." - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on love, states that it is far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on love. "Avoid, if at all possible." - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"So long, and thanks for the fish!" - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

******* *******

And, from my hero from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Marvin

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."

"This will all end in tears, I just know it."

"Life? Don't talk to me about life!"

"I'd make a suggestion, but you wouldn't listen. No one ever does."

"Freeze? I'm a robot. I'm not a refrigerator."

"I've been talking to the main computer. It hates me."

"Not that anyone cares what I think, but the restaurant is at the *other* end of the Universe."

"I've calculated your chance of survival, but I don't think you'll like it."

"Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take you to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction, 'cause I don't."

******* *******

"I'm your huckleberry" - Tombstone

"I have not yet begun to defile myself." - Tombstone

"It's true, you are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist." - Tombstone

"You gonna do somethin'? Or are you just gonna stand there and bleed?" - Tombstone

"Do you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?" - Mystery Alaska

"You know what happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller." - The Dukes of Hazard

"I like you. You have balls. I like balls." - Team America: World Police

"I love your balls." - Team America: World Police

"The bounce is gone from his bungee." - Wallace and Gromit: Curse Of The Were-Rabbit

"You should never under-estimate the predictibility of stupidity" - Snatch

"I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar." - Dogma

"I'm as expert as a palsy victim doing brain surgery with a pipe wrench" - Sin City

"Careful dude I don't know how well I wiped down there."

You can't always judge a book by its cover. Sometimes, you need to flip through the pages.

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." - Dave Barry

"It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an Airport' appear." - Douglas Adams

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." - Douglas Adams

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." - Douglas Adams

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it." - Douglas Adams

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." - Douglas Adams

PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals

"Kindness is Timeless" - Sergio Mendes

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." - Charles M. Schulz

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

The Ulimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Admas (The includes The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; The Restaurant at the End of the Universe; Life, the Universe and Everything; Mostly Harmless; and Young Zaphod Plays It Safe).

Desolation Island by Patrick O'Brian

What if the Hokey-Pokey really is what it's all about?

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

I'm sorry, do I resemble your therapist?

I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation. (I wish I would have had that one when I was married)

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

You laugh because I'm different; I laugh because you're all the same.

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

A mind is a terrible thing to waste; I'm glad they didn't waste one on you. (An oldy, but a goody)

Next time you get the urge to think...don't.

You have no idea how acutely depressing it is to realize we're from the same species.

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

Don't upset me.. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. (Then I'll never die)

I drink to make other people interesting.

Rehab is for quitters.

I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do.

Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.

What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.

If God had intended man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

I'm not addicted to coffee, I just have an acute caffeine dependency.

Be nice to your kids, they're the ones that choose your nursing home.

God made us family. Prozac made us friends.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen, and stupidity.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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